I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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