jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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