I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
