Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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