Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize