well I can't set my house on fire every night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
