Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
