I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
