You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
