Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
