Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize