check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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