Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
