I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
