today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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