It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Come on in and take your pants off
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