I'm going to jail i love you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
