My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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