my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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