I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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