any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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