I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
