remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
