My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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