It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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