Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
