Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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