I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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