I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
