I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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