Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize