she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
