Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
