How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
