Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
