she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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