You're my little dorito
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
