I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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