In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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