The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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