Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
