You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
