I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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