I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
