great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
