Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
