i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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