she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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