my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
