The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
