Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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