dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
