I just pynch a tree in the face
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
