my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
