so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm having to shit out rocks
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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