All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
