Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
