good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
