I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
