My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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