mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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