he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
