My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
