Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
