guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
