That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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