Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
