My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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