You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't put those talents on a resume
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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