one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
